Parenthood: expectations and reality

This year it’s 4 years ago our twins were born which means I am a parent for 4 years already and somehow I feel like making up a balance sheet of my expectations. See, before you become a parent you have all these ideas about what will be hard and what may not be so hard. So let’s make up a balance…

Things that were as hard as expected:

  • breastfeeding. You just delivered a baby and you want your body back. But no, now they need your breasts. Not easy, often painful, it can take forever (especially with premature babies) and you feel like a cow. And yes, you feel some sort of satisfaction that you can do this for your child, but again… it’s not easy.
  • dealing with tantrums. I always pitied people that had to deal with children throwing a tantrum and I still do. It just happens and it’s shit. And sometimes it takes hours to get them to snap out of it.
  • planning everything. Spontaneous outings are not in the cards anymore. At least not together. Babysits needs to be booked in advance. Sometimes you just want to go and I miss that. I have been told it comes back though, so there is hope. ( Just about 10 years to go and counting down)

Things that were harder than expected:

  • giving birth. O yes that was so much worse than I could ever have imagined. I am not bad at dealing with pain, but this much pain is utterly ridiculous. I continue to be amazed that the human race is still around.
  • interrupted sleep. Don’t get me wrong. The first year was fine. I expected it, I understood it and I dealt with it. Twin parents don’t get to sleep right? But in year 2 and 3 I started to feel and see the consequences. Always tired, often grumpy, no energy for anything. My skin turned grey, less elastic (read: more wrinkles and pimples) and I seemed to look older than I am. Four years later my body is still trying to make up for lost sleep.

Things that went better than expected:

  • Potty training. I was really worried about wet floors and beds, piles of laundry, endless trying and everything. But honestly, when you have had years of nappy changing, cleaning bottoms and exploded poopy nappies, this is such a welcome change.
  • Actual parenting. Set aside the tantrums; kids are fun. It’s a joy to show and teach them new stuff, it’s fantastic to see them develop and to be a witness of how fast they grow and learn. Little humans are simply amazing and they make me happy every day.

Things I did not think about beforehand at all but are worth mentioning:

  • School is back. Every day (from 2,5 years old in Belgium) you have to take your children to school. I was done, I did my 20 years of education. I never wanted to see a school in my life again. But it’s just like I’ve started school again. Every day for at least 10 years until they can go by themselves. Be on time, rush rush, don’t be late. And now I need to set the example! And I am not even at the (helping-with-)homework-phase,  but oooo I am dreading it.
  • You can’t stop weird things from happening. For instance: When a child (your child) decides he wants to lick a pole on the tram he does that. You could not even phantom anyone doing that, but they will. And you will be taken by surprise. And will be completely disgusted. They also may pick up random garbage in the street to show you or to take home (and throw a tantrum when you say no).

 

What were your expectations of parenthood? And how do you look at them now? 🙂 🙂

Monday morning

You know it’s Monday morning when…

  • You want to rinse out the potty in the bath and accidentally turn on the shower and get soaked
  • You realise only after making the boys’ sandwiches that their lunchboxes have been in their backpacks since Friday
  • You’re running late, are finally ready to go and then one of the boys needs to do a ‘kaka’

Mistakes- the slide accident

So our boys like slides. One day we found ourselves a play area with a big slide. I went ahead with one of the boys and he climbed on it, but when he got to the top, he did not dare sliding down. It was a bit higher than the slides he was used to. Usually I stand next to the slide, to help them come down. This time I decided to climb the stairs and help him there. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I pushed him down gently, told him it was not scary at all. It was just a bigger slide.
Sadly, it was also much steeper. My son braked with his shoes… causing him to tumble forward and end up with his head on the edge…
Normally I would have caught him, but now I was in a completely useless position to help. It was horrible! Poor kid. His cheek was blue and yellow for a week. He did not dare going on any slide for a month. I felt so stupid and guilty.

© Carien Touwen 2017